it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
