Already got asked if we're dating
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
