i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
