I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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