Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
