A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
