I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
