i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
