all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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