Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
