They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
