you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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