yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
