this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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