that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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