when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
