I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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