Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
