you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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