You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
