The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
