I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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