My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
