WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
