Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
