So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
