I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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