I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
