I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is wine microwaveable?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
