3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
