Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
