I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
whose parrot is this?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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