i already hear my dad disowning me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
