Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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