"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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