The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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