everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
