I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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