My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
