girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
