I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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