It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My feet surprised me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
