Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I checked into jail on foursquare
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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