Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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