I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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