They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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