You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
