so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
