I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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