yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
