Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
