Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
