didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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