She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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