Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
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Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
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My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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