We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
