I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
