Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
