Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
