i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
