so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
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I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
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you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!