They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.