he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.